Horrible Times with ATLAS and P-Body!
by Voluminous
Summary: Witness ATLAS and P-Body escape Aperture, and go to the surface to learn about stupid things humans actually find meaningful!
1. Everybody Hates GLaDOS

CHAPTER ONE: WE ALL HATE GLADOS

\FILES RETRIEVED\

Two robots jogged through catacombs, which were filled with thick wires and trash. The wiry one took the lead and confidently shot a portal near an upper area and then at the wall beside them. The smaller android followed modestly.

To the untrained ear, their chatter was random beeps followed by annoying mechanical sounds and the like. Although, to them, this was perfect robotish.

"We've been down here for what feels like ages," ATLAS observed as he treaded behind the taller robot. His blue orb glowed faintly in the barely lit hallways of the facility. "Well, I haven't heard that nagging voice in awhile. Look on the bright side; she's probably lost track of us." P-Body looked back at ATLAS, briefly gazing at him before looking back at her objective.

ATLAS couldn't help but feel a deep affection for P-Body. She probably didn't care, but at least she enjoyed his company! Despite being lost in thought, the rounded machine stopped dead in his tracks. ATLAS made mechanical sounds that sounded somewhat like an impression of nails on a chalkboard.

"Oh god, did your software get scrambled from the fall?" P-Body turned around, clutching her citrus-colored portal gun to her egg-shaped body. "I knew we shouldn't have jumped from that height!" She ran up to ATLAS, and turned her head towards the place where he was staring. "We're going to leave hell," ATLAS whispered.

INTERNAL SYSTEM ERROR.

REBOOTING.

ATLAS stepped towards the elevator in an almost shaky manner. Its doors opened, stopping midway for a second before completely opening. "P-Body, come here. How are we going to use it?"

P-Body walked up to the unpolished lift. Her gentle steps echoed throughout the wire-filled area. "I thought that GLaDOS controlled everything. Won't she know if we activate it?" The other robot narrowed its dark blue eye as he stared intently at the small, enclosed glass structure.

"I think-" ATLAS paused for a second, turning to look up at P-Body. "I think that we can manually operate it. If we take it up to the surface, then GLaDOS might not notice until we reach it…" P-Body looked curiously at ATLAS, quietly making unintelligible whirring noises.

"I'll try it." The tall android stepped into the chamber and stomped her foot twice. ATLAS followed, involuntarily making nervous, short beeps. P-Body patted ATLAS's smooth, dull white shoulder. She then turned and searched the small area before grabbing a thick black cable.

"Uh, maybe I didn't really think this through." P-Body couldn't find a port to plug in the cable. She patted around her oval body as ATLAS looked at the ground, slightly embarrassed. "Oh! Well, this is horribly painful." ATLAS looked up. P-Body appeared to be missing a limb. Arm, namely.

"Hold this, ATLAS." P-Body handed the spherical machine her arm that she had just ripped off her torso. "Um, do you know how to reattach this?" ATLAS said, narrowing his metallic "eyelids". "Currently, that isn't our biggest problem. I'll figure it out later." That wasn't exactly the most comforting response.

"Turns out that there's a plug located under where my arm is attached. Well, screw this." P-Body had a somehow neutral expression as she said this. She plugged in the port, and suddenly the elevator rocketed to life. More like rocketed to the top of the facility, but anyways…

"OH MY GOD. P-BODY WHY DID YOU DO THIS DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND-" The lights in the facility were flickering rapidly, going from bright medical lights to complete darkness. ATLAS stopped screeching as the elevator shot them up, pressing him to the ground. P-Body's yellow light had become a dark blue color, not unlike the blue screens of death that ATLAS saw on some of the monitors in the facility.

The elevator suddenly came to a halt, although P-Body still stayed motionless. The lights turned off, and only the faint blue glow of their eyes lit up the shaft. A horrible, sadistic voice cackled over the speakers. "Well, trying to escape. I didn't program that. But then again, I also didn't program you two to be idiots, and yet you still are…" A deep sigh settled after this.

"Anyways, Artificial Testing, Learning And Socialization (I'm good at acronyms, am I not?) and P-Body (your surname is his first name!), you two will be eliminated and replaced with finer examples of programming."

"Wait. Stop. Don't do that. No. STOP." The voice suddenly cut out, and the elevator began to plummet. ATLAS wasn't even thinking, just twitching and clutching P-Body's arm tightly. "STOP." The lift then began to rise rapidly, and the lights flickered again.

Then, the light came.

SYSTEM HAS BEEN MANUALLY CLOSED

-author's note

_minor dialogue edits have been applied to the original chapter to make it more entertaining. this entry will be shorter than the others since this was written awhile ago as a one off, but ive decided to expand on it. _


	2. Ouch

SYSTEM AUTOMATICALLY OPENED

/WRITING RESUMED/

CHAPTER 2: OUCH.

ATLAS wasn't happy. He wasn't sure if GLaDOS was exactly dangerous right now, but she was definitely pissed off, since the sound of audible yelling was echoing everywhere. He looked up at P-Body- her eye had returned to its normal coloration but she still stood idle in the shaft. The elevator was increasingly shaky, jostling ATLAS as he held onto the railing with one hand while cradling P-Body's disembodied arm- and his portal gun- in the other one.

P-Body started to make long, drawn-out beeping

noises that were more akin to screeching, although robots cannot physically make that sound. Her body suddenly became animated, flailing her remaining arm that grasped her portal gun. "ATLAS! She's trying to override my control of the elevator!" P-Body had a strong tone of urgency in her voice, something ATLAS had never heard from her. "I mean, I didn't know exactly what was happening, but I could infer that something like that was going down. I'm not an IDIOT, P-Body." P-Body turned to look at him, giving ATLAS the most disappointed expression a robot with one unblinking eye can muster.

"Stop complaining about me telling you the obvious! We're almost to the surface!" ATLAS felt his anger almost immediately melt away as anxiety set in. "Do you, uh, want your arm back?" "No, I want my remaining limbs ripped off and thrown into a fire." ATLAS wasn't sure whether his best friend was being sarcastic or not. "Um…"

ATLAS's extremely confused response was interrupted by the suddenly ceased motion. "Get off!" P-Body yelled at ATLAS as she grabbed the cable plugged beneath where her arm should have been located and gave it a firm _yank_. What resulted from this was a painful wail as P-Body left the confined space of the elevator. As soon as both of her feet were planted elsewhere, the elevator plummeted directly down, most likely back into the bowels of Aperture. "I don't feel all too good…"

P-Body sighed as the internal sound of mechanical clicks started up for no apparent reason. The thin android stumbled forward for a few steps before falling to her knees as the clicking sound within her resonated more intensely. ATLAS almost out right bolted towards her and squatted down beside P-Body. "Is this because of your arm?" ATLAS narrowed his eyelids as he looked at his friend who appeared to be crumpled over in pain. "Huh. Maybe it's because I had to overpower a sociopathic bitch that tried to kill us, but I wouldn't know."

Her internal systems were failing, yet P-Body still had time to make snide remarks. "Shut up, P-Body." ATLAS said this gently as he lifted her up, and attempted to reattach her arm. The internal wires looked complicated and the orb-shaped machine wasn't quite sure where the arm fit into the equation. Taking a shot in the dark, he very aggressively punched the arm directly into the socket.

"That hurt a lot less then…" P-Body paused for a second, her eye expanding. "THIS IS THE WORST PAIN I'VE EVER FELT IN MY LIFE. I'VE ONLY BEEN ALIVE FOR LIKE A MONTH BUT-" Her speech then resorted to morse code, which can't be translated here since it'd contain too much vulgarity, slurs, and profanity. The oval robot had her other hand holding her shoulder and she had currently become a ball of pain. "I'm not sure if I helped you or almost killed you.."

"I WOULD RATHER BE DIPPED IN 400° BOILING WATER THAN THIS! IT FEELS LIKE SOMEBODY SHOVED 7 KATANAS INTO MY BRAIN!" P-Body sporadically hopped around in agony. Suddenly, a monotonous voice emitted from the feminine bot. "_**System automatically suspended. Reason: Agony that prevents it from efficiently functioning. Will resume after problem is resolved." **_The only thought that crossed ATLAS's artificial mind at this point was: Uh Oh.

P-Body powered down for the second time this day. Fantastic. Handling her with care, ATLAS gently dragged the tall, ivory white robot through the grass. P-Body's body was rigid and her singular eye had cut out, leaving a black circle.

/SYSTEM RESTARTING/

P-Body woke up, feeling disgruntled- or at least as disgruntled a cold machine could be. She didn't feel like she was on high alert despite being in unfamiliar surroundings. It was dark, and P-Body felt rather unsafe. The wiry bot looked to her left, where ATLAS's unmoving body sat next to her, his eye closed. _He must be sleeping. Never done that before_. Back in Aperture, it was 24/7 testing. They could shut down optionally but that would get in the way of their work.

Her senses felt flooded. She'd never been out in the wild- Why had P-Body and ATLAS even wanted to escape the facility in the first place? _Oh, yeah. _Constant testing. Snide remarks from GLaDOS. Treating them as expendable _objects. _P-Body looked back at ATLAS and gazed at him with an unidentifiable expression. She could feel the heat from his core, and scooted closer to him. A dull ache resonated from where her arm had been reattached, but she didn't mind.

P-Body wrapped her good arm around ATLAS, letting the other arm rest limply on the ground. She made a quiet, happy _vroom_ noise as she felt ATLAS's heat against her side. P-Body didn't want ATLAS to wake up with her against him, but her arm ached worse and she didn't want to be cold…

P-Body drifted off to sleep, her circuits ceasing their constant work.

The spherical machine woke up, panicked. _We've defied GLaDOS. She's going to crush us! _ATLAS almost jumped as he realized he could feel the warmth of another mechanical body against his own. His blue orb jumped directly to the source- P-Body. He could feel her colder arm curled around his body. ATLAS's face softened and he got up, gently propping P-Body against the thick, tall brown thing that he had built a makeshift shelter around with smaller tall brown things. His portal gun rested beside her.

ATLAS stood up and looked out at what he couldn't name. There were -_er_\- the tall, brown things of course. A shade of green beneath his feet that he'd never seen before. Big, round thing that was a clear blue. ATLAS didn't like the way that thing looked- kind of like water? Water made robots rust and die. _Ew. _

A sudden beep made. ATLAS whirl around. "Hey. Why did I power down?" P-Body's sharp voice cut through the rather silent clearing. "I think an internal error? I don't really remember, but you were in a lot of pain." P-Body tried to get up from her resting spot, but she tumbled back into her sitting position. "Help me up. You're the one that attached my arm." ATLAS laughed, which is actually a series of morse code beeps that spell out "LOL". He approached the other robot and grabbed her hand, lifting her up.

"Anyways, you didn't power up for a few days. Let me tell you about that.."

\SYSTEM CLOSED AUTOMATICALLY\


End file.
